chap.7 part 2

The following day as the doctor passes by to check on our baby, he informs us that they need to put her in an incubator under UV lights as she had jaundice. Watching her with her eyes blindfolded under that light and her wiggling and crying broke my heart into a million pieces. That day, Mr Harm asks me for a favour. He wants to name our daughter after his mother. I was beyond myself. Is he serious? We had already agreed on a name: Celeste. Why is he doing that? Our baby is sick and I do not want to argue. His rationale is that he wants to honour his mother. I could not take it and for the first time, I put my foot down. I did not hear the end of it that day. I was not going to name my daughter after his mother: Abdima.

Two days later, the doctor passes by my room and tells us that he cannot discharge Celeste. She was suffering from severe jaundice and if this increases, she might need a blood transfusion. We decided that I would stay with my mother at the hospital and that he would go back to Abu Dhabi along with his mom/wife. I ended up staying for two weeks at the hospital. Looking back on those two weeks, I would say they were the best thing that could have ever happened to me. Fortunately, my best friend Rhiana had already moved to Dubai with her husband. She kept me company along with my mother, aunt and cousin. My support system was being built again. I was happy; I had a glimpse of the girl I used to be.

Victims of NPD abuse don’t realize that they’re being traumatized until it is too late. Much like the story of the frog who when put in a pot of boiling water will immediately jump out, but when put in cool water and the heat is slowly turned up, the frog will cook to death. A narcissistic relationship begins in cool water and the heat is slowly turned up to the point where the majority of the victims do not grasp how confusing and disturbing the behaviour is. My first memories of the early warning signs were confusing. I was questioning everything about myself and doubting myself. The victims at the beginning do not see the behaviour as necessarily abusive, but awkward, strange, disturbing, disrespectful, and confusing. Whenever you ask a narcissist about their unusual behaviour, they redirect your attention to your suspicions and jealousy. Since you are feeling suspicious and jealous, you end up validating his words. I will try to change.