Chapter 2

Chapter Two

I was literary swept off my feet. Our honeymoon was in the Maldives. Heaven on earth! We had a blast on the way there. The bungalow we rented was in the middle of the ocean with no TV. The first few days were fabulous. On the fourth day, we had our first fight as a married couple. I cannot even remember what we fought about. All I remember is that he left me alone on that island and I was scared. He was gone for almost an hour and I had no idea where he was. For the first time, I felt lonely with Mr Harm. Shouldn’t we be in love and just in bliss? Isn’t it too soon for drama? Did I do something that bad to upset him to the point where he would abandon me?

What you probably do not know about narcissists is that this is another strategy to manipulate you. They put you on a pedestal when they first meet you. When choosing their victim, they always pick someone who to them is perfect. Their victim must be empathetic, loving, affectionate, smart, caring, selfless, good looking; self-confident, educated… the list goes on and on. They can see no wrong in you during the love bombing stage. They listen to your every word. They memorize every weakness and every fear you have. They think you are brilliant and feel lucky to have you. By choosing Ms Perfect, they think people will see them as such by association. Once they get you hooked and up on that pedestal, the boot camp of devaluation begins. I will just take a moment here to explain that devaluation is the intentional process of making you feel so very small so that they can feel big. It is their drug. Your pain is their joy. In the few boot camps I enrolled in, the coach used to be merciless, but I emerged stronger than ever. This boot camp had a different agenda. Once theirs, yes theirs, because to a narcissist you are their property, this is when it hits them that you are not perfect, that nobody is, that you are only human. They love your kind and nurturing nature, but above all, they love your sensitivity. However, the things they once loved about you become the things they resent and loathe. They hate you because they can never be like you.

Sitting in that bungalow wondering what wrong I have done, Mr Harm shows up again with Aloe Vera lotion as we were both badly sunburned. He acted as if nothing happened. This left me confused. Wasn’t he mad at me? Didn’t we fight? Did I imagine it all? Shouldn’t we talk about it? Should I apologize? Should he?

NPDs do not believe in sharing feelings. They are masters at gas lighting. Welcome to yet another manipulation tool. This is a strategy used to throw you off your feet, to basically make you doubt your sanity and drive you crazy. After all, they do not call them crazy makers for no reason. Here they are denying you your reality, stripping you from your support system, especially your friends and family. They charm you with their unmatchable adoration and attention. Once under their spell, they isolate you from your family and friends and triangulate you with potential competition; in my case, it was his mother. Despite the obvious manipulation and control, they take no responsibility, shift blame back to you and finally leave you with desperate questions and feelings of guilt for somehow failing them.

Imagine all of that at the age of 21! We made out and all was normal, or so I thought. That was only the beginning. From then on, the manipulation not only continued, but the dose increased with each and every passing day. 

To be continued